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Cow jokes 14

   Jokes section index    cow jokes index
Deviant Sex in the Rural Setting (from a misc.rural posting) I wish to try to weave these various sex threads into the rural fabric. Yes, sexual deviancy pervades the countryside. First, there are all of those lesbian cows. Every 21 days or so, sexually mature, non-pregnant bovine females shamelessly lose control of their carnal passions; they come into estrus, in heat, or on heat as the British would say. When there is no bull to requite their desires, cows can be observed mounting each other in the dark recesses of the back pasture or right up by the roadside, in front of God and everybody. The cow which stands for another to mount is deemed to be in heat. At this point, the farmer has 12-24 hours to enter the game if he wants his cow to become pregnant. In times past, he would drive or lead old "Bossy" to his own or the neighbor's bull. Farm boys have many jokes about this. In one case, the small boy explains to his teacher that he is late to school because he had to take the cow to the neighbor's bull. The teacher asks, "Couldn't your father have done it? "Yes, but Dad's not registered." When there is no bull, sex around the farm really gets weird. The farmer, (are you ready?) picks up the telephone. He calls his neighborhood inseminator to join the fun. The inseminator arrives with semen that has been collected at a bull stud in a manner that would have the religious right tearing their hair if it were ever on the local newsstand. In times past, a cow kept "hot" with hormone injections was used as the object of the bull's affection. Because the hand is not the only thing quicker than the eye, the bull sometimes slipped one past his handlers and actually penetrated the cow. Because of the hazard of transmitting sexually transmitted diseases, we called them VD in olden times. "Hot" cows were discarded in favor of other sex-objects, animate and inanimate. It is enough to make one blush, but often one male is used for the "donor" to mount after a little foreplay and teasing. As the bull mounts, the handler grasps the bull's sheath in one hand and guides the bull's erect penis, or male member if you prefer, into an artificial vagina which consists of a hard composition outer shell some 10cm or so in diameter with latex liner filled with warm water and suitably lubricated. When the bull has had his pleasure, in a manner of speaking, the ejaculate is drained into a collection tube at the end of a latex cone attached to one end of the artificial vagina for the purpose. The volume of the ejaculate is measured, and thesemen diluted and frozen in vials or straws the latter developed by the French at a bull stud at L'Aigle, Normandy. Now, for you who have had trouble handling the Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual thread, I thought it worth pointing out that even dittoheads in the Bible Belt depend on all of these alternative lifestyles and more to keep the mortgage paid. Wes Combs, Ph.D. Academic Advisor, and Consultant in International Livestock Development


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