Once-upon-a-time, there was a
very big fish, named Bob. Bob was the largest fish in the
pond, but he wanted to be even bigger. Day and night, he
would obsess about it.
One day, he was out catching
flies for dinner. He managed to catch a really humungus
fly that was about the size of a golf ball. Before he
could swallow it though, the big fly begged and pleaded
for his life. The Fly promised Bob a magic wish if he
would spare his life.
Bob was a little suspicious at
first. He was also very hesitant about giving up the
largest fly he had seen since the nuclear power plant had
moved in. Bob thought about it for a while, but the more
he thought about, the more he wanted that magic wish. He
was hungry, but more than anything else on this planet,
he wanted to be huge.
Finally he decided to take the
magic wish. The fly looked at him and said "Name
your wish fish!".
"I want to be huge, really,
really huge. I want to be bigger than any fish that ever
lived." Bob said to the fly.
"That's really stupid"
the fly said to him.
Bob looked at the fly and said
"Hey asshole, are you gonna give me the wish or
not?"
"I sure am." the fly
said, and with that Bob started to grow. He grew and grew
and grew until he was so large that he couldn't fit in
the pond anymore. Bob flailed and gasped for water, but
he was beached, and after a while he died.
The people fishing in their
boats, the people standing on the banks of the pond, and
the people who had stopped their cars on the highway, all
stared in awe and wonder at this big stupid fish that was
stuck on the side of the pond.
The mayor called a town meeting
to decide what to do with the big fish, but members of a
nearby cult came by later and claimed that the big fish
had been promised to them by God. After some
negotiations, a large fish barbecue was arranged, and
everybody had a wonderful time, except Bob, who was of
course eaten.
