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EuroEnglish
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known
as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"..
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
"c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion
and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is
disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with
"v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
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